I have been living in the Philippines for the last 2 years. It changed my life, this beautiful country and these beautiful people. This is a short story about my stay. I was born a Dutch/Chinese girl in the Netherlands, so the Philippines was quite a change I must say.

I was 33 when I made my way alone to the Philippines in order to work for a Dutch NGO Filibata to help less fortunate children in the Philippine countryside. When I arrived, I found out that I was to be assigned in an area in between rice paddies - I was so nervous at the time.

I stayed in a new house with 19 former streetchildren from Manila. Some were abused, some were abandoned, some of their parents died, some of them begged in the streets. It was a crazy idea when I think of it now. I didn’t know the language. I didn’t know the culture. Nothing at all. I had to get used to a lot of stuff.

When I think back now, sleeping without a matress was new: small children walking around with knives to chop firewood, children carrying this wood back and forth to their outdoor rustic kitchen, and a totally new and strange language to me - tagalog and of course the different values held in this culture. I soon discovered that childraising techniques and philosophies between the Netherlands and the Philippines was completely different. In comparison, children in the Netherlands have such a wonderfull life. Children grow and experience, living and behaving as expected with parents sheltering them from the hardships of adult life, allowing for peaceful childhoods. The children I came across on the other hand, behaved in a completely different manner – taking on many adult-like responsibilities, relatively independent and self sustaining.

Part of my experience in this new environment included learning to find a balance between being loving and being firm – just as all new parents are forced to learn when raising their own children. You show your love and care, but also your authority and demands. At first, rules in the house were made with a foundation of love and peace in all circumstances to learn to respect each other’s personal space, personal belongings and of course, each other through kind words and kind actions. I was also compelled to teach some basic rules of social etiquette such as proper use of the dining table (no sitting, hanging, lying, feet on the table). The table was very low, like japanse tables, so became very natural to treat as a place to sit (or even lay down upon). The children get used to it after a while, to use the table properly. Most of the time it was me correcting the visitors, to use the chairs instead of the tables

The children all respected me in a way. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t. Even once I corrected a child, and she didn’t listen. I didn’t have to say anything to her, because other children would stand up for me and insist that my authority be recognized and respected, which I found very touching. They also loved to hold secrets within and among themselves, which of course is normal when you are young and growing up. I always said to them, I love you as you are, but please be honest when there are things I need to know. And eventually they would tell me their worries or gossip about other children.

I guess I was not so strict. I felt it was more important to be there with them and to give them love and support. And I did, without actually knowing. The first week everyone was nervous to move into unfamiliar surroundings - a new house and to stay with me, a dutch girl, who could only speak english.

Two of the girls (sisters who were forced to endure painful childhoods) used to urinate in their beds each night. We discovered because the urine would go through the floor to the ground floor and onto another child . The other girl would wake up screaming because of the pee. I bought an alarm clock and set it in order to wake up the two girls each night (if they wanted to wake up) and let them pee before going back to bed. I gave them candies the next day if they had a good night. The girls were transfered to the ground floor and after three weeks they did well.

One evening 18 girls started crying, very loud and hysterical. I didn’t know what to do anymore. The 19th girl didn’t cry and said I don’t have any parents, so I don’t have anyone to miss, so I am not sad. Very touching. I learned to have a lot of patience and to let things go. If you are in a hurry and they are not, you better take your time, otherwise it will take much longer than planned. Time is also not an issue in the Philippines. I always say now, in the Netherlands we have everything except time. In the Philippines, they have nothing except time.

In general people in the Philippines are religious, which is not so visible in the Netherlands. Churches these days are usually empty, except when being used for non-religious events such as conducting university classes. I actually did my exams in a church during my university days! I also worked in a church at one time, pouring coffee during concerts breaks. Praying the rosary more than once a day was something I only heard of but never witnessed back in the Netherlands, but in the Philippines I actually saw it being practised with my very own eyes. The masses on sunday were always very busy and what was usually discussed were differences between right and wrong which I would normally only expect to be discussed with children.

Filipinos love to eat rice. ‘A meal is not a meal without rice’ they would tell me and would feel immediately hungry without it. The girls used to eat so much rice, they were the size and shape of pyramids, which stemmed from a deep-seeded fear of going hungry during their younger years.

We decided to schedule the cookers of the house, which would wake up at 5am to make breakfast, and eat together at 6am before heading off to school at 7am. Planning, I have come to notice, is not the strongest point of the Filipino, but flexibility certainly is. The kids I took care of always had trouble waking up, getting dressed, eating and cleaning up. After a couple of weeks, our ritual came down to eating bread for breakfast, on a sheet of tissue instead of plates. Breakfast preparation ended up being much faster and it was a huge relief to not have to cook and clean up each morning. Everyone always ate together, dressed before having breakfast each morning. During my stay we would wait for each other. Eating together is also a dutch habit I suppose.

During birthdays we would make cards for each other, sing songs and give birthday presents. Eeach Saturday we would clean the house together. I taught them the dutch method, which involved starting the cleaning from the top floor downwards, using expensive cleaning materials, which unfortunately was not so good for the fish living beneath our house. In turn, they taught me the Filipino way, which involved waxing the floor with dry coconut husks, and the proper technique to do laundry by hand. To this day, I continue to handwash my clothes the same way: rinsing the clothes two times prior to soaping it on a shelf, then making round movements with my hands, before finally rinsing it three times – techniques a dutch city girl more familiar with a washing machine would never have learned otherwise. I also understand now and firmly believe that the invention of the washing machine was a major contributor towards women’s independence and a pivotal advancement towards feminism – it really does save so much time using a machine.

Ultimately, this experience and these girls delivered me from a self-abusive western lifestyle and taught me to embrace a simpler way of living. Exposing me to their faith in God was touching because I saw religion’s importance in their lives. Throughout my time with them, I did my best to stay true to myself and my values, giving them the attention and freedom to make their own choices and to think about issues, to do homework, look at the bright side of life and to be honest. I don’t know if I succeed, but I know I tried and gave my absolute best. I will never forget my time at casa Angelica. I will always love them. I hope they learned from me, learned to trust themselves and remembered the good times we had. Casa Angelica has become my second home and they now consider me family, always trying to make me feel at ease whenever I come to visit. I thank them and cherish them for allowing me to be a part of their lives.

For more information or to support our projects: www.stmartinproject.org, www.filibata.nl or http://kwee.in

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About the author:

Juliette Kwee

Born in the Netherlands, Juliette Kwee followed her passion for people by pursuing her master’s degree in Social & Organisational Psychology at the University of Leiden in order to become an instrumental member and advisor to numerous Netherlands-based commercial & non-governmental organizations with both local and international objectives.

Her most notable as well as most recent commitment involves representing Dutch NGO Filibata in the underdeveloped country of the Philippines where she actively engages in providing guidance and support to children from abusive environments. 

What has created a lasting impression on Juliette most is peoples ability to overcome  adversity – even in the most seemingly stifling and oppressive environments.

Through her active engagement with these communities, she has joyously discovered that the stimulation of hidden as well as obvious talents within individual community members has been noticeably more effective than by simply injecting alien resources – generating positive growth in confidence, independence, responsibility and energy. These results are the source of her joy and have set her off into perpetual motion.

Juliette understands that basic human needs transcend race, culture, religion and politics. And if a movement to bring people one step closer to achieving their goals exists, she wants to be a part of it.