When I moved to London in December 1992, it never occured to me to become a citizen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. I’ve always been proud to be a Filipino—rather be a first class Filipino than a second class subject of another country, innit? But after eighteen years of humiliating experiences at the immigration queues at the airports of the world, I caved in. Yes, we are the big fish in our small pond, but with the way we are treated abroad, Filipinos are still second class citizens of the world. While we are most useful to many countries as highlyeducated, modern-day slaves, the border police at the airports are invariably hostile to our citizens. When I pointed this out to another Filipino expat, he said it might be because we are a big threat to their own jobs as most of us are better qualified and more effiicent than them.
 
The last straw was when I decided to stay for long periods in Hong Kong where Filipino passport holders are allowed only fourteen (14) days of stay while British nationals are given up to six months. I simply got bored of exiting every fortnight. Since I started living in Hong Kong in June 2010, I have flown to London three times, Manila and Bacolod City about twelve times and even went to sleep in a garish hotel in Macau just to exit my fourteen-day limit in Hong Kong.
 
I could have acquired a British Passport in 1998 (five years after I settled in London) when nothing much was required. When I applied last October, aside from the enormous fees (about Ł700) one has to take the Life In The UK test.
 
You are required to take this test if you are applying for naturalisation or indefinite leave to remain (settlement) and your level of English is ESOL Entry 3 or above (or, in Scotland, Intermediate Level 1 or above).
 
Basically, they want to make sure that your English is good enough for you to settle or become a citizen of the UK. But there is a catch here. What about those who can’t barely grunt a yes or a no? Well, if your level of English is lower than ESOL Entry 3 (or lower than Intermediate Level 1 in Scotland), you will need to attend a combined English language (ESOL) and citizenship classes instead. Most local further education or community colleges course), but at the end of the sessions is one’s English good enough to pass the Life In The UK examination? The answer is no, but attending this is equivalent to passing the examinations so that is where the loophole is.
 
I had two PhD’s from two of the most pretigious universities in the US and had passed with distinction an oral English language proficiency examination in London, but I was still required to take the Life In The UK test which I thought I wouldn’t pass. While the questions are meant to test one’s skill of the English language, the examination is about knowing certain facts.
 
For example, even if you have a master’s degree in English literature, would you necessarily know which of the following is not required for a new car? a) MOT Test, b) Seat belts, c) Road Tax or d) Car insurance? And what is MOT? Moment of truth?
 
Or of those who have never been on the dole the following question would be very difficult to answer: An adult person receiving unemployment benefit should join New Deal programme if he/she has been unemployed for a) 6 months, b) 12 months, c) 18 months, or d) 24 months?
What about what percentage of children lives with both birth parents? a) 45%, b) 50%, c) 55% or d) 65%?
 
The following question, however, makes you think the test is meant for poor people who are on welfare for the most part of their life: Who does not have to pay for a sight test in England? a) People over 50, b) People under 18 and over 60, c) pregnant women or with babies under 12 months or people on income support or Jobseekers Allowance, d) People who have always lived in the United Kingdom and who hold a British passport or e) Everyone?
 
Even if you have lived in the UK all your life I don’t think the probabilty of knowing what percentage of the population live in Wales (5%, 6%, 7% or 11%) is high. Or if you are a bachelor: How much maternity leave can women take?
 
If you are young and don’t drive would you know when should a driving licence held by a driver over 70 be renewed (Every year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years)?
 
Or if you don’t care much about British cuisine as most of us do: What Christmas dish is made from suet, dried fruit and spices? (Yorkshire Pudding, Dumplings or Christmas Pudding)?
 
When I had a look at the sample questions, I was not very impressed. I thought the person who prepared them should be deported. But like most things I knew there was an easy way out of this. I trawled the internet and found a site that rehearses examinees for a fee. I chose the most expensive one and on the day of the examination I woke up at 4:00 am and went through the routine about twenty or thirty times. Guess what? The practice questions were literally the ones I have rehearsed at the examination site. Needless to say, I passed it with flying colours.
 
Now that I was ready to submit my documents, I went to a clearing office where they see to it that all your papers are suitable before sending them to the UK Border Agency for processing.
 
There were a lot of difficulties along the way so that I nearly gave up. Like I found out that I should have been physically present in the UK for a certain number of days during the three months prior to the submission of my application. I constantly travel around the world for the silliest of reasons so that, of course, I exceeded the number of days allowed. But then again, there was a way out of it.
 
If I left the UK for work reasons, those days would be excluded. So I contacted my friends in the countries I have been to to send me a certificate saying that I was in their vicinity for work reasons. I was actually on consultancy trips so I was not exactly lying even if was by the pool side for the most part of my treks abroad.
 
During the 18 years that I have lived in the UK the officious clerk also found out that at some point there was a three month gap in the renewal of my passport. She now wanted a proof that I didn’t leave the country during that period. How can one leave the country when one’s passport has expired? I told her that it was only after I bought a ticket for the US that I discovered that my passport has expired and immediately had it renewed.
 
She said that one way to prove that I was in the UK was to provide a document saying that I was employed at that time. I had to go to Harrods and be very nice to somebody who dug up my payslips, etc., and print them out. That did the trick and in three weeks I received a letter of invitation for the oath-taking ceremony.
 
I thought it was smooth sailing from there but when I showed up for the ceremonies, I was told that they require the original letter of invitation. I was in Hong Kong when the letter arrived to my address in London and my friend kindly scanned it and emailed it to me. What I had was a print out of the scanned document but this civil servant insisted on looking at the original. She said she will let me take the oath but will hold on to the certificate until I come back with the original.
 
Luckily, my friend has still the original so after the ceremonies I made another trip to Brent Town Hall to get my certificate.
 
Now that I was officially a Brit, time to get the precious British Passport that would let me into many countries without being interrogated like a suicide bomber. I had to apply for this, however, and had to go through another interview which needed to be booked in advance.
 
The next available one in London was a month away but I was told that I can be interviewed anywhere so I phoned around and was able to get an appointment in a dismal place called Luton, a 45-minute train ride from where I lived.
 
At the final interview I was asked a lot of questions only I would know, like what bank accounts I held and which bank I owed how much money and the exact dates of birth and places of birth of my parents. Exactly twenty-four hours before my return flight to Hong Kong the elusive, precious British passport arrived. Phew!
 

 

 

Munting Nayon News Magazine